For as long as I can remember, I’ve been poly. Ever since my teenage days, I’ve always had someone on the side. The second relationship wasn’t necessarily sexual. In fact, more often than not, it wasn’t. There was a second person there for me to go out with and be silly with and every now again someone to kiss. Other than that though, my primary boyfriend (now husband) was plenty enough to satisfy me. All of my basic needs and wants are met in my marriage, and even back then in my first ever real relationship. It’s almost strange to think of how things have morphed over just a few years.
Bedroom kink didn’t always seem to be so important to me. I enjoyed a little bit of wax and some restraint and some control and some tease and denial back way before I knew the names of those particular activities. As I got older and after we moved out of our experimental phase, those things tapered off. My sex life was rather vanilla and I figured that was going to be just fine. I found the internet though and I found roleplaying and I found a world of fantasy that I couldn’t pull myself away from. There I could have all kind of sex, all the different ways I wanted it, and I could have all kinds of different relationships as well. I remember at one point, in my roleplay, I had something like sixteen different submissives serving me, each of them with their own job, each of them doing their own thing for the most part, but all of them linked to me somehow. I remember the stories that came about from all of that. I figured nothing like that ever existed in real life. I had no idea that people could honestly have more than one relationship at a time in a healthy way. I’d only heard of cheating, of affairs, and I knew I could never have anything like that.
Years later, after I got all the fantasy out of my head (or at least most of the fantasy) I discovered the idea of just having one pet. Just one. Someone to take care of and spoil and someone to serve me and someone to explore all those parts of the kinky bedroom stuff that I’d gone on to want while my husband didn’t so much. We grew and changed and ended up liking a lot of the same ideas, theoretically, but we also both ended up being more dominant in the bedroom, which made playing around somewhat more difficult. Not impossible, but more difficult. Then, beyond that, I wanted an actual lifestyle built around Dominance and submission whereas he didn’t. He can’t hardly fathom a lot of what I really get off to. So the first real relationship that I had in addition to my husband was online, and I had intended for it to stay online only. It didn’t. It didn’t last either, but it was definitely a good start. It helped me realize the difference between fantasy and reality.
Of course, even today I still have issues with fantasy and reality. In fantasy, I love the idea of always being strict and always having a particular protocol to follow and doing things a lot of the way I did in my roleplay. Crow, my dearest friend, asked me if that might not actually eliminate the friendship part of the relationship and I’d told her that I didn’t need my boy to be my friend in order to be served by him. But then there are times, like when we’re riding in the car and he turns to me and tells me that I’m his best friend, that I don’t think I could handle not actually having him as a friend as well. So there are things that are fun to think about and things that are fun to do and they’re not always the same things.
But that isn’t any kind of double standard.
The double standard is that in order for me to continue to enjoy the relationship, he can’t have anyone else in his life. Friends, of course, but no one else romantically.
After my relationship ended with my first pet, the next one that I went to (and one that I still have, actually) was a married man. Married to a friend of mine. She knew about my lifestyle and what I liked to do and all of that and she agreed to let him be my pet. It wasn’t anything like what I was used to before though. Instead of teaching him how to serve me in particular, I was teaching him how to be more attention and how to anticipate things better and how to communicate better so that he could be a better husband in general. What I got from it was seeing him do well and seeing him happy in his marriage. In the early stages, I tried to incorporate things that I enjoyed as well, but I found it just didn’t work. He belongs to me, yes, but he belongs to someone else first and foremost, which kept me from trying a lot of things that I would really like to try.
So when I went in search of someone that I could have all to myself, I made sure to put in my list of needs that he would need to understand that he could never have any romantic relationship outside of me. There might be times in our life together where I’d want to put him with someone else, or I might want to have him take a friend of mine out and show her a good time, and there might even come a day where I’d like to see him with someone else sexually, but that it’d all be because I want it and I’ve instructed it. All the while I’m going to have a husband and I’ll have a pup on the side as well. And he was just going to have to be okay with this. More than okay too. He was going to have to like it, on some level, because simply tolerating it wasn’t going to be enough.
Those are some awfully tall orders. I knew that going into it. I never expected to find anyone that could fill the imaginary shoes that I’d created for someone.
The first, the one that’d been mostly online, I couldn’t do that with. I felt like I was taking too much of his life away from him. I absolutely cannot do something like that with my pup, since he’s married and all that jazz. With j though, he’s mine. He can be mine completely. He’s agreed to be mine solely and completely and it’s the best thing ever. It’s so much better than I could have ever imagined. Sometimes, every now and again, I feel a pang of guilt for dominating his life like I have. But I reason it out in that I’m giving him what he wants and needs, I’m caring for him and providing for him what I can, and we’re building a life together where he will never have to worry about being cast aside because I’ve grown tired of having a toy in addition to my husband, or because my husband is suddenly jealous. The three of us get along great and I’m hoping that as the years go by, he’ll be another member of our family, as important as the two of us are together, so that my little family will be three, where we couldn’t imagine being without one another.
It’s a lot to ask for. It’s not too much to hope for. It’s something that I’m working towards, as much as one can work towards something like that. Less and less I feel bad about keeping him to myself, because in keeping him to myself, we’ve created a lovely little space in this world, somewhere private that we can retreat, and I wouldn’t give that up for the world.
