Humiliation

One of the most popular questions I get when someone writes me on CollarMe is: Will you humiliate me? Often times I tell them I don’t know what they find humiliating. I don’t know them well enough to do that. I know that dil and I had some running joke for a while about whether or not someone would find being stuffed in a closet full of bats humiliating and if so, where was I going to find a closet full of bats? Devin just recently told me that seeing his text messages while he was in chastity on my blog was humiliating. While I kind of hoped he would, I wasn’t counting on it, so was just pleasantly surprised by it. After today, I have a pretty good idea of what humiliates Joey, and that’s shopping with me.

The plan was for him to pick me up after work and to go out. Typically we see each other twice a week. Once during the week and then once on the weekend. This gives him enough time to hang out with his other friends and gives me time to see my other friends and time for Kitty on his days off. Also, the important thing here is that I don’t have a car on the weekends and I get cabin fever if Joey doesn’t come and spring me from the joint. Or at least make my house a little more entertaining for me.

The grand plan? Dinner, sex shop, book store, home. Nothing extravagant. I was expecting that most of our play would take place tomorrow anyhow. For today, I just wanted to get out of the house. Dinner was entertaining because we discussed what sex meant to us and also because I got to watch him suffer through every bite of food he took. A week ago I would have teased him about being a silly boy and not making an appointment with the dentist; this time I could only attempt to sympathize as his appointment had to be rescheduled. Unfortunately for him, I was still entirely too amused by his masochistic tendencies. Smoothies work just as well as real food, right?

The sex shop was where I found myself in all kinds of trouble. Originally we went in looking for stockings. We’d purchased three pairs before and the boy doesn’t know how to take care of his stockings so one pair has a run in it, another pair has a hole in it, and the third pair, well, I don’t remember what happened to them. Since then we’ve acquired some rainbow fishnet stockings (courtesy of yours truly) and possibly another pair but I can’t remember for certain. The point is, the boy can’t have too many stockings. Since it’s buy two pairs, get the third free, I was having a grand time picking out which ones I thought were sexy.

For the past couple of months, I’ve had this recurring dream/fantasy about seeing him in all white lingerie and stockings, bent over something, and being fucked in the ass by my strap-on. I used to have a similar fantasy with my first pet, although it was more of a trashy wedding night sort of setting that he would have never indulged me. Luckily Joey doesn’t mind. I even told him he wouldn’t actually have to marry me, just role play out the honeymoon.

As we were looking at stockings though, I noticed the panties behind us. Now, he has a pair of panties already. Hot pink and black zebra striped panties to be exact. We bought them as a size experiment from Victoria Secrets. Then, I just so happened to find some duct tape in the exact same color and pattern while pretending to be handy in the fix it yourself section of Wal Mart and so had to purchase it. I’ve meant to play with it, but so far I’ve been too busy shoving things up his ass to concern myself with taping his arms together.

At any rate, I found some cute panties, or something, that I thought would fit him. They were black and red, not quite ‘his color’ but they would do…if they fit. Being that they were nearly $20, I thought it would be best if he tried them on first. Of course, in saying that, he just stared at me like I’d lost my damn mind. Luckily he didn’t have to wonder for long, because I made my way over to the sales lady and asked her very quietly, using all the manners I could muster, if it would be okay if a boy used the dressing room, and she immediately shot a glance back to him as he stood there holding the frilly skirt/panties combo and looking like he wanted to die. She lit up! I swear she did. Of course she replied! He just couldn’t take the stockings in. I told her that was fine. We already knew he had sexy legs and they’d work just fine.

While he was trying those on, I found some nice white corsets that would have worked fantastically with my deflowering the virgin fantasy I’d been having, but despite the large size on them, they sure didn’t look like they were a size over small, so I decided to just leave them on the rack. When he came back out, face still red, he admitted that the size was too small. We’ll have to try a different store for his lingerie, but I don’t think it’s going to be a problem. He’s not that big — he’s just not the same size as my usual feminine pets, which means finding the right size is sometimes tricky.

After that, as he carried around his stockings, we made our way back to the actual sex toys. There we were looking at the remote controlled eggs that I thought would be fun to shove in him before we went out to dinner the next time we ate out. I think he agreed, but in that ‘Sure, whatever’ kind of way that he does when there are other people around watching us. None of them were anal specific, but that didn’t really bother me. I just wanted to shove them in his panties, right behind his balls, and buzz away.

Speaking of buzzing, our next stop was at some electro-stim cock ring and nipple clamps and anal plug. I figure the electricity in it wouldn’t be that bad since it was being sold as pretty much a novelty. For whatever reason I thought electricity was more of a hard limit for him, but since he was the one that pointed out the cock straps that went with it, I’m going to go ahead and say no, he’s okay with electricity. Then we browsed the poor, poor selection of hitty toys and almost gave up when I remembered that he wanted a vibrator and I would like a prostate massager for milking him. Lo and behold, I found exactly what I was looking for: a vibrating prostate massager!

As we stood staring at them, I had to decide between whether I wanted him to have a ‘boy toy’, meaning it was black in color, or if I wanted to match the soft purple to the hot pink gloves and stockings that he now had. It was a tough choice, but I figured black would do for this particular toy. There’s enough soft colors in his life because of me. Might as well let him have something black for a change. But the decision was tough, and I insisted he go find something ‘nifty’ for me to look at after I made my decision.

He decided to be the responsible boy and scope the latex-free condoms while I took a short cut through the ‘fetish’ section and happened to notice that the Japanese silk rope happened to come in HIS color! Bright pink! And they had black too, in the event that I needed a second spool. Already my head was swimming with ways to bind his arms with that and the tape and having him wear his panties and his stockings and gloves and all the pictures I could take and how could he not have seen this?! This was totally nifty. I tried to get his attention by sheer will alone but for whatever reason he’s not telepathic. That really cramps my style. So I tried clicking my tongue at him. Still no response. So he left me no choice, and I had to call him from across the store: “Come, puppy!”

Alright, I probably could have used better words, but it worked! I got a long drawn out ‘Wow’ from him, something he does when he can’t believe I’ve done said/done/proposed something, but he came straight to me. The girls in the store noticed too! I’m sure they thought he was adorable. Then I pointed out the rope and told him we should get that next. Meaning I should learn some rope work. I’ve been meaning to for the calendar I want to put together anyhow, but now there’s additional incentive, being that it comes in HIS color.

Finally we were ready. We took all of his stuff to the counter, meaning one pair of stockings and a vibrating prostate massager, and went to check out. I told the clerk how relieved I was that he wouldn’t be stealing one of my vibrators since we’ve found this one and that might have been embarrassing enough, but then I wanted to make sure we got our discount. TNG discount please! But no one ever recognizes that. After a moment or two, she hesitantly mentioned that there might be a discount for a kinky club and I laughed. That would be us. Honestly, if you ever hear someone calling somebody ‘Puppy’ and you see him answer to it, you may as well assume they get that discount and just go ahead and ring it up as such.

In the event that that wasn’t bad enough, Joey got to experience the joy of buying a vibrating toy and how they test it out in front of you. Additionally, I happened to find a huge rainbow colored cock sucker behind the counter that he is so totally getting the next time we’re there. It’s the only cock I’ll ever get to see him suck. And it’s rainbow!

Afterwards, as we left, he mentioned how that was quite the experience. I told him I got points for being very discreet about his cross dressing and he kindly pointed out that immediately after that, all discretion was out the window. Well, what can I say? I tried!

Wrapping Things Up

 

After our last talk about wanting to include higher protocols and how to proceed with these dreams of ours, I felt a very subtle shift occur. It didn’t happen instantaneously but rather throughout the week. We were unable to get together much because he was on call and during those weeks it’s rare that we can actually go out and do anything without imposing on anyone else, so we kept in touch via instant messenger, our first form of communication besides the emails we were exchanging when we were still just two people using CollarMe in attempt to make a connection.

Thursday night his tone was coming across much better, as much as can be told via an instant messenger. Luckily he usually comes across true to himself there. Perhaps a little more adorable and a touch more silly, but all in all it’s the same things I’d expect for him to say if he were right in front of me. Yes Miss and No Miss and May I please Miss peppered the conversation just as they should have been weeks before. Somewhere along the lines they got lost and because I was afraid of putting more stress on my boy, I let them slide. We’ve both realized our mistakes in that.

My biggest fear is that I’ll ask too much of him, he’ll balk, and he’ll run away. This is very reminiscent of my prior relationship, the one with all the D/s overtones in it. I knew in the back of my mind that coddling him was not the answer, but I didn’t want to become a problem. So many times I’ve heard about how a submissive man wants their Domme to be ‘that woman’, the sort of woman that other men wonder why they’re with them, or why they love them, because they seem to be overbearing and controlling. However, in this case, he dated that woman for many years prior to meeting me. He’d already been through that and since he’s now with me, I’m sure it’s easy to see that it didn’t last.

Of course I’m intelligent enough to realize that it was not the same. He didn’t feel loved. He didn’t feel desired. Maybe he didn’t feel as though his efforts were being recognized. Some of this is speculation and a lot of this really doesn’t have much of an effect on the relationship at this point. In the beginning moreso, but now it’s ancient history in my world. I think less and less of the pasts we had without one another and more and more of the future we’re creating together. I know that I’m not the same and at the very base of our relationship is a mutual affection, mutual trust, and mutual respect. We built on top of that, and we communicate regularly. I’m certain that if any of those things change, we’ll let the other know.

So I knew I had to get over that and no one but me could do it. I’ve been working on it. I’d been trying, then stopped trying for a little bit, and then I missed the training. I missed feeling free to ask him to do whatever and expecting to actually have it done. I was tired of allowing things that wouldn’t have slid by if I’d actually enforced my own rules. This was my own mistake. It wasn’t as though he was completely out of line either. It’s not as though every rule we ever made was broken time and time again and I just allowed it. It was just the more subtle parts of our relationship that really fuel the whole thing. Saying ‘Miss’ all the time. Making sure that I eat before he does. Anticipating what I need. Attending to me first, him second. Those sorts of things.

By Friday when he came to my doorstep, I was actually holding my breath. I was wondering if we could actually pull it all together in just a matter of days or if we were going to end up with another night similar to Monday, which is a night I’d rather not ever relive, for various reasons. When I opened the door and saw him smiling, I figured we were in for a good weekend, and I wasn’t disappointed.

Dinner came first. A new rule was being tested. I’ve always wanted to have more control of him, but I want it in limited doses first. The first step in this direction was making sure that he never ate before anyone else, with the exception being if he got a salad and no one else at the table was going to have one. In that case, it was best just to lean over and ask me very quietly if it was alright that he ate. Something else that I’ve wanted to do was to choose his food for him. However, he has particular likes and dislikes and while I know them, I don’t trust myself to always remember them. I don’t mind making him eat something he doesn’t like every now and again, but if we’re going to go out for dinner, I’d rather him actually eat than not. To sort of transition myself, he’s now made to choose three meals he’d enjoy eating and I pick which of the three he’ll have. Sometimes for amusement I feed him from my plate, which typically has plenty of things he doesn’t like on it. There’s something about the way he looks at me, as if to ask if he really has to before he takes a bite that gets me. I love it.

After that it was to Target! I needed some household things. Saran Wrap and duct tape to be exact. I pranced through the store saying those two things over and over, watching him blush. We found some fascinating containers that I think are supposed to go under the bed that looked to be about his size, so I pulled one off the shelf and waited for him to climb in. He got really shy for a moment and then stepped into it, only to find that it wasn’t going to be deep enough. Oh well. We already know he’ll have a cage someday. We just figure we ought to get one for the animal that really needs one first, then for the boy that only dreams of them.

We also picked up pillowcases, just for fun.

When we got home, I decided that I wanted to try this mummification idea that I’d had for a while. It was mostly for play, not really for anything hot or wonderful. I had him strip down and stand in front of me while I saran wrapped his entire body, except his cock, so that I could play with it. From his neck down to his ankles, with his leather restraints on and blue (teal?) duct tape holding it all in place. I let him stand next to the couch. He made a fine sculpture. I especially liked when he got very warm and I could see the slick skin beneath the taut wrap. Additionally, watching his cock leak was very appealing.

After a while of that, I cut a little hole on each side of him and told him that if he could get it off, he could be done. So I watched him squirm and struggle and plead with me playfully to help. I didn’t for a while, but eventually made a few more cuts (including the slightest graze against his leg, which I laughed about a little later on). All in all he did really well and he seemed to enjoy himself.

That night we spent some time in bed, both talking and playing. The bedroom stuff is always fun because while it’s not all that kinky or BDSM’y, I do get to use him for whatever purpose I want. Typically I have him go down on me and I thoroughly enjoy that. Sometimes he’s on top so I can feel him rub against me. We very rarely have sex, which is just the way I like it. Tonight I wanted something a little different for my second, third, whatever number orgasm it was and told him to put on his pink and black skirt. I don’t know what it is about this particular skirt of his, but it gets my blood flowing. It’s so very tight that I can see his cock outlined in the front of it. It’s also very sweet looking though, and is made to be worn with stockings which we will eventually get for him.

Once he climbed back into bed with me, I beckoned him on top of me. Like the sweet little girl he can be though, he positioned himself over one of my legs so he could rub himself against me, or so that I couldn’t feel his cock. He sprinkled very light kisses on my neck and was just so feminine that I couldn’t help myself and stroked up his thigh and over his ass and pulled him onto me so I could rub myself silly.

Saturday morning was a fine morning to sleep in. When we eventually got up, we went to get a very nice lunch and then we watched some television together before he had to go to work, leaving me home to watch my shows and play World of Warcraft by myself. He crawled into bed with me somewhere in the early hours of the morning and we slept right through until lunchtime Sunday.

Finally, it was off to see a puppy agility class! The three of us have decided to get a puppy! Or rather, I decided, j didn’t have a choice, and the two of us convinced my husband that this was a good idea. My husband will never let on that he thinks the puppy is adorable and is surely as excited as we are about his arrival. Surely.

Sunday night brought another burst of quick fun before I headed home for another week of work. We were watching baseball and because we had the absolute worst commentators ever, I decided to spice things up a bit. I opened up the pillowcases we bought, put one over his head, and then used his collar to fasten it on. Then I draped him over ‘the cube’ (which is a footstool) and swatted his ass quite happily with a paddle. For quite some time. With quite a bit of force. We’re finally getting closer and closer to where I want to be in terms of hurting him. We do less warm-ups now, which is something I really like, and I can hit him harder without worrying about breaking him. By the time his ass was nice and red, the game was almost over, so I had him flip over and play with himself for a bit. We removed his ‘hood’ and then he played for a little bit longer and asked me ever so sweetly if we might put a lock on his collar someday.

Someday.

Someday I intend to put some form of permanent collar around his neck and then he won’t have to worry about simple padlocks.

Once home, I smiled a bit as I saw a ton of our furniture stacked up in front of the front door. My husband and I are wrapping up this chapter in our lives, getting out of our house, and moving somewhere that’s more afforadable and in a nicer neighborhood. We’re growing up a bit you see. Instead of taking the traditional route, we’ve opted for slaves and pets and little furchildren. I can’t wait to see what comes next.

 

 

All Wrapped Up

 

 

 

Dripping Cum

Naked

One of my favorite rules that I’ve put in place for j is that when we’re home alone together (and when he’s home alone anytime) he’s to be naked. Oh, years ago I could talk to all my girlfriends about how I appreciate the female form so much more than the male form, how there’s not so much attractive about them, and while I’ll still admit that I find women absolutely beautiful, I’ve come to discover that men can be beautiful as well.

But then there’s something else as well, a conversation my husband and I have had time and again over the decade we’ve been together. We both suscribe to the idea that the more you love someone, the more attractive they are to you. I’m certainly no supermodel, but I have no doubts that my husband finds me attractive. The same goes for my husband, except that a lot of people find him attractive (he just doesn’t realize it) and the same goes for j.

We’ve talked a little about his physical appearance. He has one or two things he’d like to change about himself, but I’m so used to his body and appreciate it as it is that it wouldn’t matter much if he changed it at all. One of the things that we’ve talked about is how he’s not symmetrical, but how it’s hardly noticeable at this point, just because I see him without clothes so much of the time.

The one really fantastically great thing about boys being naked is that their arousal is so evident. I can lose minutes and hours just watching the different forms that the cock can take, from being relaxed to being erect to when it’s suffering from pain or slowing creeping away after an orgasm. It’s almost like cock lust except for not. I don’t necessarily want to be doing anything to it, I just want to watch it.

The other day he was kneeling in front of me and he pushed himself right into my lap and wrapped his arms around me for a hug. I hugged him back for a second but then went to tickle him. I wrapped my legs around his and held him in place so that he could squirm all he wanted but it wouldn’t really stop me. When I let him go and he moved over to grab something, it was obvious to see that he was aroused. I asked if it was the tickling, trying ever so hard to remember if that had been something he’d had on his like list on the profile that I stared at obsessively the first months that I knew him and he just shook his head. Then I remembered his fascination with bondage and asked if it was that I had been holding him, and he nodded.

Later in the night, after we’d gone to bed, we often lay awake (or not so awake) talking and should the urge hit me to have an orgasm before I drift off completely, I’ll typically find some way to use him, either by having him service me orally or by pulling him on top of me and directing him to rub himself against my clit so I can get off. Pretty much anything that doesn’t take too much effort on my part so that I can orgasm and then drift off right away. He’s really good at just curling up at my side and not demanding a thing of me afterwards, so it works out nicely.

Another option though, if I’m in the mood for it, is to just use him. Typically, because I don’t bother to undress for anything like this since it’s just rubbing our bodies together, I roll him over and then I can rub up against his ass. It’s kind of nice to imagine penetrating him and making him squeal, but we’re not far enough along yet that I could slip something up in there without hurting him beyond what either of us would find pleasurable. Plus, it’s a lot of work for pre-sleep orgasm. So I just rub away until I orgasm, he gets to feel something rubbing against his ass, and we call it a night.

The final alternative is for me to actually pin him and rub against his cock, which I’d say happens the least of all these things. It takes some fantastic positioning and again, work. But the position usually requires his arms above his head so that he’s not touching me and I’m always keen on that. This time, I clipped his wrist restraints to the headboard and clipped his ankles together as well, and then just wrapped myself around him as much as I could before I set out for my orgasm. When I was done, he commented that that was the tightest I’d ever held him. I had to agree.

Ever since then, I’ve put more and more thought into bondage. I don’t like the ropes so much, except to just admire the sight of them on his naked body. I like chains but he doesn’t, but his dislike for them isn’t enough to sway me from doing something I’d really enjoy. I just don’t know that I’d enjoy it that much. What usually comes to mind is saran wrap. I like the idea of just wrapping up his whole body, except his cock and his mouth.

Today I went a little further with it. I toyed with the idea of tape. I like it because hey, it hurts coming off too. I also like that it’ll hurt even more if he hasn’t shaved like he’s supposed to. I like that he could struggle against it even more and probably break less of it. I like the way it looks in my head, especially paired with his leather restraints and collar. I like the idea of tape and saran wrap. I worry ridiculously about the ill side effects of saran wrap trapping moisture between it and his skin and making his skin problem worse. I don’t think it’d be a measurable difference in just one session anyhow.

But what really tripped it from idea to arousing for me was pairing it with a hood.

I’ve read that a lot of people find it easier to do objectification if their slave is wearing a hood because then the humanity issue is gone. They’re an object and not a person so much. For me I think it’d help because I put so much stock in his facial expressions. They might not even accurately portray what he’s feeling but for whatever reason, they seem to trump the energy that I’m feeling from him and the sounds that he’s making. I know a ‘I need to breathe now’ sound from a whimper that he has to let out because he’s enduring something for me and enjoying (and also not enjoying) himself while doing it.

Then there’s also just the fact that hoods are hot. I want to play with one just to see what kind of transformation can be made and if it goes well (I don’t know how it wouldn’t) I’d love to upgrade to a leather hood. I know exactly the one I want for him too because I’ve been lusting after it for years.

Finally, since I seemed to leave off on such a sour note in my last entry, and while I certainly don’t take back anything of what I’ve said so far, it needs to be noted that there are plenty of areas in live where I can absolutely regard him as a slave and not just a submissive.

Amusingly enough, as opposite as it may be, he’s a great deal better at doing life tasks for me than the sexual ones that I’d mentioned previously. I cherish those above anything else, being that a slave’s priority in life is to make my life easier. Today he was able to send out a payment that I could not have possibly done in my schedule to ensure and those sorts of things are by far more important than a lot of other things I’ve talked about.

For right now, I’m rather happy where I am. We have a lot of changes coming up in the next two weeks and a lot of excitement. After things settle again, then it’ll be a great time to put into practice these ideas of higher protocols we both seem to enjoy the idea of.

Until then….