I Can’t Promise You The World Part 2

I really don’t handle losing bets well. I had to pay up though. I got a curious look from my bank teller when I said I needed to make a withdrawal of $10. Most likely because I waited in line for 10 minutes to do this when the ATM was right next to me and empty the entire time. “In quarters.”

Oh yes. I took $10 in quarters and hid it around my house. By ‘hid’ I mean I left a trail for him to follow so he always knew where I wanted him to be. Start at the door and work counter clockwise. I handed him the duster. I was going to have him change into his rainbow stockings just for fun but Breaking Bad was on. On because he was kind enough to bring it over for me to watch while he did this. If he was wearing rainbow stockings he would have had my attention 100% and we couldn’t have that. I’d say he found about $8.75 in quarters before we were finished. The majority of the time was spent cleaning some rod that hangs above me that was coated in I don’t even know what and carrying boxes and mirrors and old benches and stools and pictures to the dumpster. It was hot out, he’d been tired, the place looked a lot better, so we called it quits there.

One thing that I’ve found he really enjoys is being pet. In the very innocent sort of way, where I can trace my fingernails down the back of his neck and rub his hair and sometimes he looks like he might drop off into sleep (which promptly ruled doing so in the car out entirely) or start kicking a leg. It’s my way of showing affection as well, so it works out best for us both. I climbed onto the couch next to him and pet him for a while. Then I leaned in to kiss him and he reciprocated well, like he always does. His energy was completely different tonight. A tired puppy indeed. Slow, calm, and relaxed. Not usually the energy I get from him.

I tried to keep things light and innocent for a while but I never can keep my hands off my favorite toy, and since my favorite toy happens to go home when he does, I only have so much time to play with it anytime he’s over. Besides, I bought a paint brush and a sponge to try CBT with. I know, I know, CBT veterans around the world have gone to war with their cocks and have lived to tell the tale: weights, needles, chemicals. A paint brush and a sponge? Let’s just say that most of the time touching him is unintentional CBT and so I wanted to ramp things up a little. It was delicious, in case you were wondering.

The point of the night wasn’t to torture his cock though, it was to show the kind of service that I like and to receive service in a way that I don’t normally. If I were smart, I’d just have pets come over and do things for me for a while and if they manage to do well in that area, move into playing with them. But this one in particular was sought out (oh alright, he sought me) specifically to have someone to try new toys and techniques on. I like to think that someday he will be the best submissive ever to some Mistress and I like to think I’ll have a helping hand in that. Gotta train them when they’re young/impressionable.

Things wound down with him making me a copy of the show, some music, and trying hard not to let me read his resume which had somehow ended up on his flash drive, because I’m horribly embarrassing and always tell him how awesome he is and how adorable I think he is and seeing all of his credentials just makes me grin all the more. He is a good boy. Despite the Nada, Bored comment (and subsequent post) he really is a very good pup. And boy. And he will be a wonderful man too, I’m sure of it.

On top of my cleaned living room, the learning how to better interact with my dog so he doesn’t spaz out quite so bad for quite so long, and the foot rub that I got while relaxing on the floor listening to music last night, there was one comment that stood out in my mind that he’d made just recently.

A few days ago, I was trying to urge someone to join APEX, get involved in our local community, go to some kind of munch so I could just happen to be chillaxing there with a plate of pancakes (and my puppy!) to make a more formal introduction. Because I can’t drive myself on the weekends, I rely on Joey for any transportation that I could possibly want. He’s very good about making the drive, or making stops when he’s already visiting to ensure that I get what I need. This time though, it would have been a special, out of the way trip. So I asked him ‘Could you do me a favor?’ and he replied ‘It depends on what it is’ and of course, I had to tease him. (Right, it might be too soon to be teasing him about bad remarks, but that’s me.) ‘I think your response is supposed to be ‘Whatever you want!” and his response to that was ‘I can’t promise you the world’.

Ah, yes. I know how that might look. I even know how it might sound coming out of the mouths of most people. However, when he said it, I grinned. I wished I could hug him, but sadly, they haven’t created a way to hug via text effectively. Strange response? I find that one of the faults of many, many people, submissives and vanillas alike, coming from a lot of the men I’ve personally meet, is that they will promise the world and then can’t deliver. For this reason, the words ‘I promise’ mean absolutely nothing to me. Actually, ‘I promise’ actually means ‘I will disappoint you’ in my world, so I just ignore them if they say such foolish things. While young, he is definitely not stupid, and I honestly couldn’t be prouder of the response he gave.

Because of it, I’ll forgive him the ‘Nada, Bored’ response and drop it. I will not let him forget the monstrosity of a walk we endured on our first date because he wouldn’t park where I told him to though. That one’s going to be around for as long as he is.

Double Standard

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been poly. Ever since my teenage days, I’ve always had someone on the side. The second relationship wasn’t necessarily sexual. In fact, more often than not, it wasn’t. There was a second person there for me to go out with and be silly with and every now again someone to kiss. Other than that though, my primary boyfriend (now husband) was plenty enough to satisfy me. All of my basic needs and wants are met in my marriage, and even back then in my first ever real relationship. It’s almost strange to think of how things have morphed over just a few years.

Bedroom kink didn’t always seem to be so important to me. I enjoyed a little bit of wax and some restraint and some control and some tease and denial back way before I knew the names of those particular activities. As I got older and after we moved out of our experimental phase, those things tapered off. My sex life was rather vanilla and I figured that was going to be just fine. I found the internet though and I found roleplaying and I found a world of fantasy that I couldn’t pull myself away from. There I could have all kind of sex, all the different ways I wanted it, and I could have all kinds of different relationships as well. I remember at one point, in my roleplay, I had something like sixteen different submissives serving me, each of them with their own job, each of them doing their own thing for the most part, but all of them linked to me somehow. I remember the stories that came about from all of that. I figured nothing like that ever existed in real life. I had no idea that people could honestly have more than one relationship at a time in a healthy way. I’d only heard of cheating, of affairs, and I knew I could never have anything like that.

Years later, after I got all the fantasy out of my head (or at least most of the fantasy) I discovered the idea of just having one pet. Just one. Someone to take care of and spoil and someone to serve me and someone to explore all those parts of the kinky bedroom stuff that I’d gone on to want while my husband didn’t so much. We grew and changed and ended up liking a lot of the same ideas, theoretically, but we also both ended up being more dominant in the bedroom, which made playing around somewhat more difficult. Not impossible, but more difficult. Then, beyond that, I wanted an actual lifestyle built around Dominance and submission whereas he didn’t. He can’t hardly fathom a lot of what I really get off to. So the first real relationship that I had in addition to my husband was online, and I had intended for it to stay online only. It didn’t. It didn’t last either, but it was definitely a good start. It helped me realize the difference between fantasy and reality.

Of course, even today I still have issues with fantasy and reality. In fantasy, I love the idea of always being strict and always having a particular protocol to follow and doing things a lot of the way I did in my roleplay. Crow, my dearest friend, asked me if that might not actually eliminate the friendship part of the relationship and I’d told her that I didn’t need my boy to be my friend in order to be served by him. But then there are times, like when we’re riding in the car and he turns to me and tells me that I’m his best friend, that I don’t think I could handle not actually having him as a friend as well. So there are things that are fun to think about and things that are fun to do and they’re not always the same things.

But that isn’t any kind of double standard.

The double standard is that in order for me to continue to enjoy the relationship, he can’t have anyone else in his life. Friends, of course, but no one else romantically.

After my relationship ended with my first pet, the next one that I went to (and one that I still have, actually) was a married man. Married to a friend of mine. She knew about my lifestyle and what I liked to do and all of that and she agreed to let him be my pet. It wasn’t anything like what I was used to before though. Instead of teaching him how to serve me in particular, I was teaching him how to be more attention and how to anticipate things better and how to communicate better so that he could be a better husband in general. What I got from it was seeing him do well and seeing him happy in his marriage. In the early stages, I tried to incorporate things that I enjoyed as well, but I found it just didn’t work. He belongs to me, yes, but he belongs to someone else first and foremost, which kept me from trying a lot of things that I would really like to try.

So when I went in search of someone that I could have all to myself, I made sure to put in my list of needs that he would need to understand that he could never have any romantic relationship outside of me. There might be times in our life together where I’d want to put him with someone else, or I might want to have him take a friend of mine out and show her a good time, and there might even come a day where I’d like to see him with someone else sexually, but that it’d all be because I want it and I’ve instructed it. All the while I’m going to have a husband and I’ll have a pup on the side as well. And he was just going to have to be okay with this. More than okay too. He was going to have to like it, on some level, because simply tolerating it wasn’t going to be enough.

Those are some awfully tall orders. I knew that going into it. I never expected to find anyone that could fill the imaginary shoes that I’d created for someone.

The first, the one that’d been mostly online, I couldn’t do that with. I felt like I was taking too much of his life away from him. I absolutely cannot do something like that with my pup, since he’s married and all that jazz. With j though, he’s mine. He can be mine completely. He’s agreed to be mine solely and completely and it’s the best thing ever. It’s so much better than I could have ever imagined. Sometimes, every now and again, I feel a pang of guilt for dominating his life like I have. But I reason it out in that I’m giving him what he wants and needs, I’m caring for him and providing for him what I can, and we’re building a life together where he will never have to worry about being cast aside because I’ve grown tired of having a toy in addition to my husband, or because my husband is suddenly jealous. The three of us get along great and I’m hoping that as the years go by, he’ll be another member of our family, as important as the two of us are together, so that my little family will be three, where we couldn’t imagine being without one another.

It’s a lot to ask for. It’s not too much to hope for. It’s something that I’m working towards, as much as one can work towards something like that. Less and less I feel bad about keeping him to myself, because in keeping him to myself, we’ve created a lovely little space in this world, somewhere private that we can retreat, and I wouldn’t give that up for the world.

Home Again

I dropped off the face of the earth for a while, for good reason: fun. After I got home from Disneyland with j and my husband, my husband and I packed up to head north to visit our friends and to play in the snow. It’d been a couple of months since I’d seen my pup and I missed him something awful. This trip went a whole heck of a lot better than the last one and I had more fun than anyone should have so early in the year.

Now that I’m home, j and I got to spend some time together. He was waiting at the house for me when I pulled up last night and he immediately whisked me away for dinner and a good night’s sleep. Today, we spent the day shopping, putting together a few things that I’m in desperate need of in order to get started on one of my 101 goals that I’ve set for the next 1,001 days. One of the hobbies that I’d like to pick up is scrapbooking.

We headed out and he helped me pick out a book to put my memories in. We found some paper for our scrapbook together, but not the book. The theme, fitting enough, is fairy tales. Dreams come true. All things wonderful, really. As we drove to the next store, or home, or wherever we were headed at that time, he asked me ever so sweetly if I’d be his prince on a white horse. Of course. So long as he always remains my sweet princess, which I know he will.

One of our stops for the day was Macy’s. One of the tasks he’d had from last week was to buy something pretty, make himself pretty, and take pictures. Life decided to get in the way though, so he had to wait to buy something pretty. We went shopping together and while we had in mind that he’d get some stockings, because he thought that those would be very pretty, he ended up with stockings and a silk robe. I’m almost jealous of it, being so pretty and all. I’ll be sure to get some pictures of it up soon. He looks absolutely adorable in it, especially combined with his cuffs and his service collar.

In other news regarding collars, the necklace that I gave him for Christmas didn’t seem to want to play with us any longer. As he was turning the necklace away from the charm, the charm, a snail, made a daring escape. Neither of us can figure out how it got off the chain, but there it was on the floor, clear as day. Hopefully that can be fixed, since it was a highly appropriate symbol for the two of us. (He said he knew he really liked me when I drew him a picture of a snail, after having a conversation about how he couldn’t draw spirals because they’d go on and on forever. I can draw spirals because I turn them into snail shells and make snails. This was one of our first AIM conversations.)

Now that I’m home and now that I’m getting settled in again, I should be able to write more often. Not for long though because very soon I have two weekends out of town again. So far this year is going wonderfully regarding travel and vacation and just plain fun. I really couldn’t ask for more.